01 She felt sad, but she kept laughing.

In June, a 16-year-old girl in Nottingham County, East Midlands, UK, killed herself by suicide.

In the eyes of all the people around, Maisie is a cheerful and lively girl, learning not to worry about parents, laughing heartless, in the eyes of others, always show the most lovely appearance.

No one thought she was wrong before the tragedy.

Not long ago, she was also enthusiastically discussing plans for a trip to Greece in August with her family.

"We had such a good discussion and the sunshine was very good. We also went to buy Sunglasses for Maisie. She liked them very much and looked forward to the whole summer." The family said.

On the morning of June 19, 2017, Maisie, as usual, ate breakfast while watching her mother Helen prepare for work. Just before her mother was out for a few steps, Maisie looked out and shouted "Goodbye" to her mother.

In the afternoon, Maisie went out and never returned. The next morning, police found her body in the forest near Maisie's home.

After a period of careful investigation, the police confirmed that Maisie suffered from a certain degree of depression during her lifetime, which was the reason for her suicide.

Maisie's family and friends, however, could not accept the findings of the survey.

How could she possibly suffer from depression when she was so cheerful and lively and friendly?

Sometimes, people with depression do not look pessimistic and depressed as most people imagine. They lack interest in everything. They just hide themselves in the form of "optimism".

This phenomenon is called "smiling depression".

02 Her laughter is a heavy weapon, but also a weapon aimed at herself.

Smiling depression also belongs to depression, but depressive patients hide their true symptoms and show people with a "smile".

Unlike typical depression, patients with "smiling depression" do not collapse in bed every day and lose the ability to interact with others. Instead, they may seem to have better social functions than ordinary people.

Such concealment makes it impossible for people around them to discover it for the first time, which often delays the timing of treatment.

在Maisie去世之后，姐姐Amy在整理妹妹遗物时，发现了一张纸条，上面写着“I’m fine”（我很好），让人想起她一如既往的明媚笑靥。

但当姐姐不经意间将它倒过来的时候，这纸条上的字竟然变成了：“help me”（救救我）。

这或许是在某个无助的夜里，她小心翼翼发出的求救信息。

可惜，微笑的武装背得太久，以至于大家都觉得微笑的人不会痛苦地哭泣，因此错过了帮助她的时机。

而更可怕的是，微笑不仅仅是这些患者的武装，也是他们瞄准自己的武器。

我们可能也试过，在非常难过的时候，对着别人努力挤出来笑容，结果只能越来越压抑和疲惫。

但这样煎熬的体验，已经成为了这些患者每天的例行折磨，如同噩梦般，挥之不去。

当抑郁的心境表面蒙上了一层微笑的面纱，内心的痛苦只能在深深的笼罩下，无处排解。

“微笑”过后会是更深的孤独和抑郁，而“微笑抑郁”患者只能继续笑着，无法逃离。

最后，很多患者只能像Maisie一样，带着这幅微笑的面具，背着沉重压抑的情绪，离开了这里。

03 抑郁的喜剧演员，躲不过微笑的潜规则

可能很多人会困惑，为何他们明明深陷抑郁，却选择微笑来示人呢？

他们不累么？当然累。

不仅累，还痛苦、压抑、失落、沮丧、无助、疲惫、抑郁、绝望......

但他们早已深陷“微笑的潜规则”中，习惯了隐藏抑郁，扮演着一个个让人喜欢的喜剧演员。

（1）伪装的笑，“可爱”；真实的抑郁，“可耻”？

有研究显示，喜剧演员更容易体验快乐感觉的下降，更容易出现精神病的症状，如更容易患双相情感障碍、抑郁症等。

喜剧大师卓别林、以“憨豆先生”形象走红全球的英国喜剧演员罗温·艾金森，以及好莱坞喜剧明星金·凯瑞都患有不同程度的抑郁症。

而好莱坞影星罗宾·威廉姆斯在给观众带去许多欢乐的同时，自己却因为抑郁症的折磨自杀身亡。

当看到《博物馆奇妙夜3》中，早晨第一缕阳光照进博物馆，罗宾·威廉姆斯饰演的罗斯福身体化成雕塑的那一刻，他满含热泪向拉里告别：“再见，笑一个吧。”

这仿佛一语成谶，预示着他即将离去，并或许在最后一刻，他仍会一如既往地保持微笑。

对于喜剧演员来说，习惯了在人们面前表演欢乐，总是给人们带去欢乐，如果承认自己有“抑郁”情绪，也许在他们看来是一种“软弱/可耻”的表现。

对于微笑抑郁患者说也是如此。

很多时候在他们看来，向人表达自己的软弱是羞耻的。只有“让人快乐”，别人才会喜欢自己，而“抑郁”的自己，是不好的，不能被大家接受和喜爱的。

因此当悲伤来袭，他们往往像个哑巴，无法表达真实的情感。

最后干脆完整地压抑所有的不开心，带着笑容，走向心底更深的绝望。

（2）不断讨好：友善的我，才会被喜欢

我们都知道，健康的关系是平等的。但是对于很多微笑抑郁患者来说，在关系模式上，他们可能会有更多“讨好”别人的部分。

一位抑郁的来访者，她说，她从来不会对人说“不”，即使是别人让她去做她不愿意做的事，为了避免让别人感到受伤，她情愿自己忍受不舒服的感受，也不会去拒绝别人。

并且，她发现自己无法在别人面前发泄情绪，当不开心时，只能悄悄地压抑着，或是找个角落委屈地哭。

这个可怜的孩子相信，只有努力表现出友善的一面，别人才会喜欢自己。

对于大部分人，当我们有一些需求时，跟别人沟通，能够让需求得到满足或者缓解；当我们与人发生冲突的时候，如果可以直接表达愤怒和不满，那么消极的情绪会消解到一大半。

但是对于这部分患者来说，直接表达负面情绪和真实需求是很难的。

因为他们担心表达了愤怒之后，会伤害到别人，会破坏关系，会导致别人不再爱自己；他们怕表达了自己真实的需求，会给人带来困扰，导致别人觉得自己麻烦。

对他们而言，笑着掩藏自己的负面情绪和真实需求，或许能更加“被爱”。

但实际上，他们的“友善”，已经变成困扰，压抑了自己的需求和情感，在面带微笑的讨好中，他们抑郁的症状越来越严重。

（3）我们曾经不笑过，但没人看到

当一个孩子出生以后，Ta对待外界的方式是好奇的，探索式的。

When frustrated in the process of exploration, the child will try to return to the safety base (beside his mother) for comfort.

But if at this time, the role of the mother is missing, or the mother blames the child for seeking comfort, then the child is more likely to repress his emotions after frustration, become unwilling to express, and not good at expressing emotions.

Perhaps for the patients with smiling depression, after expressing their true emotions, what they get is the indifference of the people around them, even the relative coldness:

"Why are you always unhappy?"

"Why do you have negative energy every day?"

When sincere expression gets indifferent or negative feedback, gradually they will think that no one cares about themselves.

Instead of exposing your weaknesses and getting hurt, wrap yourself up so that no one else can see who you really are.

Smiling is the way they learn to protect themselves in the process.

04 If you are not really happy, please take off the protective color of a smile.

"Smiling depression" patients are often difficult to detect and unwilling to take the initiative to seek help, so it is often easier than other depressed patients to go deeper and deeper into the abyss.

"If you are not really happy, please remove the protective color of a smile" - this is the beginning of every "smiling depression" patient, out of depression.

（1）Crying and depression are not shameful things.

"Depression" is never a shame. It's like a cold and a fever. It's just a sickness.

Any emotion is reasonable, it's just a reaction, reminding us of something we need to pay attention to.

But using a smile to suppress negative emotions makes us ignore the causes of "negative emotions", prevent others from caring about us, and make our inner emotions unable to vent. Over time, it will only get worse.

So, find someone who is trustworthy, express your emotions with them, expose your vulnerability, maybe clear up some ideas, get real care, love and help.

（2）No pleasure is the beginning of a healthy relationship.

Expressing one's emotions and needs is not unfriendly, nor can we imagine that it will greatly damage the relationship.

Some negative emotions, such as anger, are sometimes a better way to protect yourself than smiling, because it lets people know where your boundaries and bottom lines are.

The expression of real needs is also a kind of normal communication between people. In communication, we can understand each other better and achieve an equal result of cooperation.

But if we wear the mask of a smile, the relationship we acquire through flattery, even if we acquire it, can not be sustained for a long time. Because the relationship is essentially unequal.

Depressed emotions and needs will not disappear, if not handled, these emotions will accumulate more and more until the final collapse and outbreak.